These Advice given by My Dad Which Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was just in survival mode for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

However the truth soon proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her main carer while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct statement "You're not in a healthy space. You need some help. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger failure to communicate among men, who still absorb harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a show of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to ask for a break - spending a few days abroad, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the language of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor choices" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a friend, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like you before having a baby. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their stories, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they faced their issues, altered how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."